Selling Airtime, Whoppers, and Yourself

Because Sales is a position that requires many of the same human characteristics that being an On-Air Personality does, there winds up being a lot of occupational identity crises’ at radio stations. Never mind that for a station to operate properly, not to mention successfully, everyone must understand their job and do it well. There’s bound to be some departmental overlap when everyone is supposed to be focused on the same thing: success, but there’s something to be said for staying in one’s own lane. Which brings up an interesting aside - ‘stay in your own lane’ is one of those pop culture nuggets that, well, pops up every few years (think ‘talk to the hand,’ or ‘I don’t have a dog in this fight’) that delights even the straightest-laced among us, and it’s that kind of phenomenon, use of a clever phrase or relevant reference, that enhances one’s lexicon, and because radio is largely a spoken-word stage, loosens even the stiffest suit and brings out everyone’s inner-jock. Radio Jock has always been sort of a fantasy gig; mysterious, faceless voice, cloaked in secrecy miles from where you’re listening, only saying cool things, and sometimes saying them on the instrumental intros of some cool songs, and magically wrapping it up right as the vocal starts—aka Hitting The Post. Some jocks record that chatter ahead of time, ensuring accurately. Others do it LIVE, without a net.

Either way, when it's done right, it sounds like a magic trick. And magic tricks are cool. And who didn't want to be cool? Which takes me back to Sales. Sales at any business is about relationships. It helps, of course, if you believe in what you’re selling, but even if you don’t, the right amount of sizzle can move any steak. (Movies like ‘The Boiler Room’ or ‘The Wolf of Wall Street’ make it look easy, and yes, there’s also something to be said for the philosophy that ‘Bullshit Baffles Brains,’ but by and large, Sales is about gaining someone’s trust, and delivering on promises.) Salespeople have to have a certain amount of swagger; you have to look the part, and act the part. But strip away the gold watch, and the cologne, and the $1100.00 suit and you’d better be able to offer clients something they don’t already have, or can’t get from someone else. And that’s where your attitude, your personality, your charisma, and perhaps your use of a cool, timely phrase, enter into the equation.

Closing a sale can be intoxicating. It means you’ve done something right so you’re washed over with pride, it means your boss will be pleased, and it means more money, hopefully. If you’re selling Toyotas, for instance, or dishwashers, doing well is its own reward. But if you’re selling air time on a radio station, it might become a means to an end.

It’s not new. I actually thought I was being clever when I used my position as a board op at a Talk station as leverage to get the PD to listen to my aircheck in exchange for working a holiday shift. It worked, sort of, but it’s a little more obvious when someone in Sales starts writing spots, casually starts inserting themselves in the copy, or straight up asks to be on the air, with the sponsor they just signed, of course, to, you know, help guide the hour. There’s something we used to call ‘Salesman’s Remorse.’ It’s the phenomenon of taking a job in Sales at a radio station but longing for the seat with the microphone.

It's not unusual either. There's plenty of bleed over when an on air host reads copy written by someone in Sales and maybe reads it differently than the author intended, or when the host of the show mentions a non-advertising business casually on the air and then the Salesperson has an opportunistic ice-breaker for a new client. But it’s showbiz, sort of, and actors want to direct and directors want to sing, and job satisfaction seems to come from being able to show others that you can do more than one thing well.

I’ll be honest; the lure of the microphone is as mysterious as it is strong. But if you’re a stand-up comedian, for instance, it’s like a singer doing a residency in Vegas- why go to comedy clubs all over all year when you can hit a huge audience all at once? Comedians talk a lot, they’re usually funny, and they’re extroverted. So comedians, sure, they do well on the air. What about politicians? They talk a lot, and are usually passionate about the things they say. So sure, politicians might be good on the air, too. What about athletes of varying degrees of fame? Maybe. They give interviews and answer questions after games, so sure. Plus, they bring a potential new listener base. So, sure, athletes on the air.

But a guy from the Sales Department at the very station where he sells? Might be a stretch. But I just read about a radio station that hired a cashier at the local Burger King to do mornings because every time management went for lunch, the dude cracked them up. Seriously. They were like, ‘We run a radio station, and this Burger King cashier has been rather witty during our brief exchanges several times a week, so let’s hire him. Let's pluck him from his shapeless, unpolished, polyester bad decision and hand him the keys to the castle. We’ll be applauded and rewarded for finding a rare, elusive jewel.’

It didn’t work out and dude ended up getting fired, but the point is- talent is talent, whether you’re on the air, or selling the airtime, or selling burgers. ‘Paying your dues’ and 'Working your way up' are fallacies, especially in an industry as watered-down as Spoken Word is now (Podcasting, with its no-experience-necessary cable-access-like lure, and its anyone-can-do-it-but-I-am-unique hubris has certainly taken some of the shine off of what was once a magically magnetic and equally enigmatic profession. Seriously, if ANYone can do it, how special can it be?) And anyway, great radio is in the ear of the listener, right? Nobody wants to think that anybody could do their job, but everybody else should want to believe they can.

And they're right.