CPR Promotional Check-Up - Jan 22, 2013

Radioisms

My friend Todd runs a golf course. His wife doesn't golf. And about once a year he takes her to a conference where all anyone talks about is the minutae of running and maintaining a golf course. As Leslie said, "Think 'Star Trek' but with sod."

No one likes to be talked "over".

I had the opportunity two weekends ago to spend an evening hanging out with a bunch of highschool girls basketball players. (My attorney advises me not to go into depth re: circumstances.)

So I used it to do a KDWB focus group and quiz them on Radio in general from the perspective of a 17/18 year-old female.

I was explaining that one of the stations had meet-and-greets for Lady Gaga and they were planning to...

Room of quizacle looks. "What's a meet and greet?"

"Backstage passes".

20 butts levitated off the floor. Backstage passes? They know what those are. And were excited about them.

Had a laptop and was showing them websites. "Why do they have 'Jocks' listed? Is it because of the Olympics?"

"Those are DJ's."

"Then why don't they call them DJ's?"

Good question.

When we started Wired in Saskatoon and were planning the different elements of the station, we talked about having a VIP Club. One of the new-to-Radio-as-of-fifteen-minutes-ago kids made a face and said "Costco has a VIP Club." So we called it The A List. And it was good. AMP in LA introduced "Friends With Benefits" which also rocks. Or CHR's.

I heard, as God is my witness, a station tell listeners to listen for "the sounder" pre-Christmas.

No one knows what a "sounder" is. It's January. Still time to do your annual check-up on whether you are operating in the same universe as the audience.

L.A.S.T. Call

One of the stations has a club night where the client has hot girls dressed as nurses, giving people shots with bigass syringes. Open wide and she shoots it in your mouth. What if...you did a Late Afternoon Sleepy Time Call. For people who are getting the late-in-the-day drousy thing happening. A street-teamer dressed as a nurse (or Catholic schoolgirl, either one works for me) shows up and gives them a shot of Red Bull. Why? Why not. Better then having the van sitting in the parking lot.

For 'Da Club

One of the stations wanted a club contest. I suggested "Shave Our Nuts" and get five listeners, five blindfolds, five plastic razors, and five coconuts covered in shaving cream. (Why? What'd you think I meant?) You could also do "Margarita In Your Pants".

• You need some BIG, jumbo boy skin diver pants.
• Several REALLY long drinking straws

At each club gig you pick one volunteer who goes in the back and puts on the pants. You tape off the ankles TIGHT. You then make a margarita in their pants. They walk around the club and people can take free sips from the straws that are hanging out.

Oh, and you stick a big umbrella thing in their hair. Maybe salt on their tummy for people to lick.

Celebrity Wood

Just testing your spam filter. But actually, this could be a bit. You could do something as burdensome as scanning through films and getting clips of people hammering (like Harrison Ford building the birdhouse in "Witness") and listeners have to ID the star. Or, you could do the "we're thinking of a name" bit. Have a different celeb in the studio each morning. They don't talk. All you here is hammering. You give a few clues throughout the show (barged into Minnie Driver's radio show) and the first person to call in and say "John Cusack!" wins. I just like the way it would sound: "Coming up this morning on Celebrity Wood, a pair of tickets to see Nickelback!"