CPR Promotional Check-Up - Jun 2, 2014

Human (Insert Item)

Several years ago at Morning Show Bootcamp, I was scheduled to do a session. I don't ever want to be the guy who stands behind the podium in a suit with a powerpoint demonstration.

So...I booked a dancer off the internet, placed her in the audience with a name tag that said she was Lacey Anderson from Kiss in Pittsburgh. Asked for a volunteer to help with the speech...blah blah blah...she was soon semi-nude as The Human Chalkboard. I wrote all the notes on her.

One of the Newcap stations did a broadcast from Hedonism and used a topless listener as the scoreboard to write updated hockey scores on.

The point? Think outside the registration form. A Country station somewhere has a bunch of Kenny Chesney tickets to giveaway. A client paid for them so there's an obligation to do some ticket hits at their locations. As opposed to "Come by and register for tickets and we'll pull one name at the end of the remote" (which is obviously very very exciting) they're going to have a DJ in a speedo. Listeners will write their name and number on him. At the end of the remote, a blindfolded promo kid will shoot a paintball at him. If your name gets hit, you win.

(MSBC and Hedonism pics are available on request)

Okay, Who WANTS TO GO FASTER??!!

Right up there with strip club DJ's, another genre of failed air talent are the guys who run the ride and hype the riders at the carnival. Usually with hard pumping heavy metal music, these aviator glasses-bespectacled broadcast school drop outs drive the vendors at all the neighboring booths ever-closer to suicide by-the-hour. My suggestion? Take one of these guys (they're ALWAYS guys) and give them a spot on the weekend. Give the jock who normally does that shift the gig of operating The Regurgitator for a few hours. And I still like "So You Wanna Be A Strip Club DJ" that has listeners auditioning for the dream gig of introducing women with names like Angina and Areola.

Queer Eye For The Carnie Guy

The name says it all. Get the guy who sells funnel cones into the studio for an extreme makeover hosted by a trio of flamboyantly gay men. "The Hardy Boys t-shirt? SO 1976. LOSE IT!!"

The First Thing You Do At A Fair Or Festival?

Take a stack of CD's around and bribe food booths and ride operators to play your radio station throughout the run of the event.

The Second Thing You Do At A Fair Or Festival?

Take a stack of t-shirts and some banners and bribe every booth or vendor in sight-line of where your competition is set up, to prominently display your logo. Your goal should be that the goobs down the dial have to sit out there for three days, battling heat and scary listeners, while being unable to look anywhere without having your logo in their face.