CPR Promotional Check-Up - Oct 23, 2014

The Night Before Thanksgiving Club Gig

The Wednesday night before Thanksgiving is traditionally a BIG night for clubs. Kids home from college. No work the next day. It ends in "day". (We all need our excuses to drink. Lighten up.)

One of the stations was looking for a theme. Understand that many of the people who would WANT to be going out will be committed to sitting around the living room getting caught up with rellies.

What if, on your website, you had a section to sign up for your Escape Call/Text. You log on, pick a time and a number to call/text them.

So, at 8:15 pm, after hearing about Aunt Dotties childhood on the farm near Bloomington, Illinois, my cell phone rings. I answer, make the approriate number of "Uh huh's", "yes's", "when's?" and "for how longs?" and hang up.

I then turn to the 300 relatives crammed into the family room at my in-laws and say "Darn. Jerry has a problem. I need to get home and re-send something to the manager in Hawaii or I'm going to have take off ALL tomorrow and rewrite their imaging. Something happened with their computer system." I make the appropriate number of sad goodbyes, tell everyone I'll see them tomorrow and flee to Club Cancun where Lucas from KDWB will be doing free drink specials for 18 year-old girls with bad self-esteem and daddy issues.

The other option is to ENCOURAGE the listeners to bring the cousins they're supposed to be entertaining with games of Risk, popcorn and re-runs on TBS.

Outlandish Claims

When Kevin & Bean were debuting on Live 105 in San Francisco, Michael Martin and I collaborated on some imaging that I'd filed away until I saw a TV spot that was kind of similar. This might be fun for your morning show.

This is David, before listening to Kevin and Bean, he was a near-sighted stamp collector and numismatictist. After just one week of Kevin and Bean, well...."I have x-ray vision. I can see through buildings and vault doors. I found Bin Laden. The CIA regularly hires me for covert ops. I can see through clothes...why...I can see that you have a, well, unusually shaped..." that's my iPhone David. Another Kevin and Bean success story!

This is Cecil, prior to listening to Kevin and Bean, he was a rag picker down behind the supermarket...and now..."I listen to Kevin and Bean at least 20 minutes every morning and my fortune has exploded. A Nigerian prince sent me, yes, ME an email asking for help with transferring the royal families wealth following the revolution and the incident with the princesses. A week later, I got Pay Pal'ed 118 million dollars! Thank you Prince Akeem...and Kevin and Bean"

This is Reggie, prior to listening to Kevin and Bean, he was one 300 employees in the IT Division of a major savings and loan...and then he started listening 20 minutes a day to Kevin and Bean. "One morning I had this idea. Tossin'youryogurt.com I registered the site, built it and I now am in talks with Google!!! They want to buy me out...what...oh...that Zuckerburg guy from Facebook is on the other line...gotta go." Another Kevin and Bean success story!

This is Bob, Bob used to be hopeless when it came to meeting women. In fact he once went two years "Three", oh, three years without, well, conjugal relations. And then, he started listening to Kevin and Bean. "I'm now averaging three and a half acts with different women EVERY day! I've fathered 362 children and am being sued for millions! Thanks Kevin and Bean!"

This is Debby. Before listening to Kevin and Bean, she was a film studies student at Monterey Peninsula Junior College. Her biggest project had been a 4 minute film on sea anemones. And then, she started listening to Kevin and Bean. "My first project, Room Service Sausage Party was nominated for every category at Sundance and won three of the awards. Steven Spielberg wants a meeting and I'm flying to Gstaad with Brad and Angelina! Thanks Kevin and Bean!"

Carl was a custodian at a small Bay Area community college before he began listening to Kevin and Bean. Just twenty minutes a morning, every morning, and Carl just published a thesis in the New England Journal of Medicine that has revolutionized the way we look at pancreatic enzymes. Carl would be here to thank Kevin and Bean but he's in Munich accepting ANOTHER pretigious award.

Before listening to Kevin and Bean, Lee Ann's's greatest claim to fame was that in 8th grade she came in 7th out of 8th in the 100 yard dash in gym class. "Since I began listening to Kevin and Bean EVERY morning, I grew a third leg. One morning, boom, it was there. That extra leg was what I needed. Sweden, Italy and Namibia have all reached out and asked me to be on their Olympic track teams. Thank you Kevin and Bean!"

This is Reverend Jesse. Jesse has a story that he wants you to hear. "Before Kevin and Bean came into my life, I was a lowly transit employee, putting in my hours adrift in the world. And then, like a voice from the skies, telling me to tune in and turn on to brothers Kevin and Bean. The inspiration led me to start my own church and last year, between pledge drives, merchandising, condo sales at Jesse Land and garnishing the flocks wages, I cleared $590 million. Thank you Kevin and Bean!"

This is Angel. Prior to listening to Kevin and Bean every morning, she would sit for hours in her parents basement with an old guitar and a teach yourself to play VHS tape. And then..."One morning my friend Tangie had Kevin and Bean on Live 105 in her car. I felt...like...I could be a rock star. I went home, with a new attitude and a week later, Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters called and asked me to stand behind the speaker and play all his parts for him. Thank you Kevin and Bean!"

This is Cindy, before listening to Kevin and Bean, she was a puny, pale, emaciated housewife who sat at home and watched judge shows on day time TV. And then....(DEEP VOICE) "That worm of a husband of mine had some silly station on that played Phil Collins. I switched to Live 105 and Kevin and Bean were on. I now weigh 785 pounds, and it's all muscle. I lifted a BART train off a pack of Cub Scouts, I ate the worm, and Contra Costa County has asked me to move Mount Bruno because they say it blocks their view. Thanks Kevin and Bean!"

This is Jerry, before listening to Kevin and Bean every morning on Live 105, Jerry suffered, well..."I had adult bladder control issues. My doctor said I had the bladder of a 6 year old Chinese gymnast, and then, one morning, at the urinal, I heard Kevin and Bean. It changed my life. The doctor says my bladder grew TEN SIZES that day. The last time I urinated was in March. Thank you Kevin and Bean for making me more confident!"

i'm doug, 31 from Fremont and sadly balding badly.... but instead of turning to the hair club for men i started to listen to the Kevin and Bean show on Live 105 and now i've got a crazy afro that needs cutting once a week!

Before listening to Kevin and Bean, I used to be a shop-a-holic... Gucci, Prada, mani-pedis. But then I saw them on live105.com and realized you don't have to be attractive to get attention! Now, I live in my sweat pants and I've never been happier! Thanks Kevin and Bean!

My name is pam from san jose and I used to suffer from explosive diarrhea. I seeked professional help but none of it worked. Then my sister sarah suggested listening to KNB on live 105 - I saw an improvement after just three listens - they are part of my morning ritual and now my stools are solid - thanks KNB!

Are you never getting any? Have zero game? Never touched a women?

Hi.. I'm Jake from San Jose and that was me just a few weeks ago. But then I found the Kevin and Bean show and these guys are bigger losers then I was! Its an excellent self esteem builder and now I'm plowing through chicks like a chew chew train . Thanks Kevin and Bean!!

What's up this is Tom from San Bruno and I had this problem.. I could never get it down.. never! It was so embarrassing.. But after listening to Kevin and Bean show for 30 seconds I become completely flaccid! These guys are like my new daily medicine. Thanks Kevin and Bean for killing my bone.

Hey this is Candy from San Jose, I've never had a lot of money, I couldn't pay my bills. But, now that I listen to the Kevin & Bean show I sell sex and make $400 a week! Thanks Kevin & Bean.

hi my name is Cathy from Morgan hill - I used to have a severe hording disorder - I would collect everything - my house had become a femine product museum - I lost my job my family and almost my sanity - but after just one week of listening to KNB - I have rid my home of the filth - infact I burnt it to the ground - and now listen in my van! Thanks for simplifying my life KNB!

hey this is tom from Saratoga - I know it sounds crazy but its true - since discovering KNb just two months ago I am no longer cross eyed! I just stare at my radio for 45 minutes every morning and miraculously have been healed!

yo this be oscar from san leandro! I just wanna say that after listening to kevin and bean for six weeks - my gang tattoos fell off my face! It was like hella wired. My face looks clean with no tattoos. Thanks to my homies Kevin and bean I think I can get a real job now!