CPR Promotional Check-Up - Apr 1, 2015

Paige Nienaber is not writing today. You can choose why:

1. He was killed in a tragic kiln explosion.
2. A larger stripper gave him a lap dance and the constant grinding created a vacuum that sucked him up into her rectum.
3. While eating a club sandwich with Cass Elliott a piece of bacon became lodged in his throat and he died in his bathtub in Paris.
4. His dog ate it.
5. He ran out of gas. He had a flat tire. He didn't have enough money for cab fare. His tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole his car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T HIS FAULT.
6. Today is April Fools Day and Paige doesn't work on April Fools Day.