CPR Promotional Check-Up

Best. Christmas. Charity Drive. Ever.

Just a reminder of some Promotional Universals.

• Movies are the Entertainment Universal. 99% of people enjoy going to movies. So you would really have to work hard to screw up a movie promotion.
• Most people will never get to go in a limo, so adding that to a prize is always a way to make it sound bigger.
• Most people will never socialize outside the workplace with their co-workers. So any promotion that sends an entire office to a ballgame or a theme park or a movie, is always big.
• Sticking a DJ on a billboard or on a roof always gets peoples attention.

Sticking a DJ on a billboard is not rocket science. Scorpio and I got the afternoon guy in Houston on a crane in three hours. Three hours from "Hey, we should do something with the floods" until he was on a crane. Raised over $100,000 in three days BTW. I got Mark S. Allen on a billboard in 48 hours at KSFM.

But, obviously, you would prefer to have some lead time.

The biggest, hands down, Christmas toy drive is done by Chet Buchanan at KLUC in Vegas. Until your station collects 700,000 toys and 8000 bikes, it will remain the best and biggest.

I can't explain it better then Chet. So here is his annual event, from his lips/fingers to your ears/screen. But Chet it turns out is even lazier then me. He turned the writing over to his scaffold-sitting partner, his dog BJ.

Read it. Learn it. Live it. Because, again, he is the Lord God Exalted Ruler of self-abuse on an elevated platform.

COMMIT TO IT. TOTALLY. They always seem to find things to do better, and get more people to know about Toy Drive every year. That keeps it interesting for them. But the one thing they have ALWAYS had is a total commitment from the entire station. You'll need that. You also need to decide if this is something you really want to do, and do well. It is....a....lot...of....work to really pull it off. No offense to those who put a scissor lift in front of the Walmart and hang out until it gets dark, or take a motorhome around to a few Quik-e-marts. But it's not going to make the impact you want. Winter in Las Vegas is certainly not as harsh as it is in other parts of the country. But it's still cold enough to freeze my water dish every morning. It does snow. Not enough to stick, but still. And the wind will cut you to the bone and drive you crazy. You have to really stand out to let people know you're serious. BIG. A SPECTACLE. KLUC has the carpenter's union build a 30 foot tall, 20 by 20 foot MONSTER. You could land a helicopter on it. There's no less than 10 traffic accidents every year from people driving down West Sahara that go, "What the hell is that??" Albertson's rotates out three grocery trucks...the big 52 footers...to put toys in. They use "bike rack" barriers to make a perimeter around the area (totally bannered up, of course. Uncle Paige likes that...) and fill it up with a sea of donated new bicycles. The scaffolding is covered with big, custom "concert backdrops" that someone else paid for with a gigantic KLUC logo, sponsor logos, and a HEADLINE that screams what's happening . There's spotlights, big speakers with loud music, it's pretty fun. People come just to see it and be a part of the vibe. It really is like one of those Christmas shows on TV!! Everybody with smiles on their faces and just happy to be part of something that makes them feel good. They're hoping to get banners to hang off of the lightposts to give the sponsors more reason to spend money, and to help people notice us. I think the city might even do it for us. Daddy, me, and my idiot little brother Jake the Golden live in a tent and sleep on an air mattress with a porta potty, some propane heaters, and a little TV with an antenna on it for 12 days. We never come down. Ever. That would just be wrong. People come by in the middle of the night and flash their lights and honk their horns until Daddy says the f word and gets out of bed to wave at them. Daddy says we're a big part of the equation because lots of people bring their kids just to see me and Jake. Daddy uses baby wipes to clean up and people bring him food. We "go" wherever we want. It freezes pretty quick so it's easy to clean up. Even though he gets a lot of credit for living up here and broadcasting live every day, he says we have the easy job. The engineers set up a pretty elaborate broadcast home away from home, and show up at all hours to make sure everything works and to fill the generators up with fuel. They also call up and cuss out the propane guys when they don't show up with propane for our heaters. Daddy's boss, Cat, basically turns over the radio station for 12 days to Toy Drive. Auntie Lauren freezes her Southern California ass off every morning to come up with Daddy to do the morning show. They make sure to do a show as normal as possible, and being outside it give Uncle Spence the chance to do more stunts. Plus they make lots of funny songs and stuff. Daddy says Uncle Spence is the real backbone of the show during those two weeks. He makes sure to work real hard with Showkilla the Producer to get every single celebrity, both local and national, to show up and donate toys. Plus, he stays all day with Daddy in case there's somebody on the ground that we want to talk to. Not every celebrity wants to come up, ask Pharell or the Palms Girls how they felt after Jake humped their respective legs, so Uncle Spence has to be there so we can talk to them. The Billboard awards always happen then too, so Cat and JB the Music Director make sure there are cool people coming by all day and all night. We do breaks every hour after the morning show until 10pm, and then we're on all day long on both Saturdays and Sundays. Even after Daddy loses his voice on about Day 5. I think he does it on purpose so people really get the idea that we really are out here 24/7, People start to expect it now...I guess it works. I make sure to bark whenever I can when he's on so all my bitches get their shout-outs. The promotions staff is here 24 hours a day. People get off work and want to come down at all hours, so someone is always waiting for them to show them where to put the toys. There's always banners to fix, bikes to move, toys to stack, and Daddy's always complaining about something. Those guys work so hard!! It's all anybody even remotely associated with the station does or thinks about for the whole 12 days . You have to. No one will remember you if you half ass it. Your competitor may say they're doing a similar thing by putting some barrels at a car dealership. No one cares. TV stations put a 100 toys in a studio and say they're doing a toy drive. No one cares. And the audience knows the difference when you do it right. Which brings me to a much shorter, but even more important point....

DO IT WITH PASSION. Like us dogs, and little kids, the audience can a) smell fear and b) knows when you're full of what Jake just left in the living room. (The Mariners are losing now, and Daddy's passed out hammered, what's a Golden supposed to do??) People know what's real and what's hype when you show them the difference. Everybody wants big ratings all the time, but I can't remember the last time KLUC took a serious uptick in December. It's OK. Maybe it's because Daddy sucks and people get tired of hearing him. Stay with me. Maybe it's because that Arbitron thing that makes Daddy drink so much is flawed. That can't be, can it? But I CAN tell you that ratings or not, this is the kind of thing that makes listeners and advertisers want, no...NEED to be a part of your station. After the first year when this caught on, clients have lined up to pay big dough to be title sponsors, donate trucks, lights, whatever and have their name on it. Toy Drive is for KLUC, that THING that makes people automatically look to them as the leader in Las Vegas. Who's gonna be there when things go bad, and someone needs help?? KLUC. Who plays those nasty "rap" records, but still must be OK for my family and my business?? KLUC. Who do I want to line up my store's reputation with?? KLUC. Must have just been a slip up, cuz those guys would never do that. I think I won't call the FCC...you get the idea. It's because for those 12 days, all Daddy and everyone else cares about is getting toys for kids. Be passionate!! Celebrate the closing of every truck like you just won the Super Bowl. Read the letter from the girl recovering from dozens of cancer surgeries that wants to give back because her family had to get toys FROM you the year before...and allow yourself to cry....hard. Daddy did that last year. Don't sit in the tent and play Madden. Freeze your ass off and make sure every single person gets a thank you from you. People remember that stuff. It makes you and your station REAL. Voice tracking can't do it. Your competition will call you corny. Eff 'em. Your listeners will call you heroes. I've heard people say that about Daddy and his friends. He thinks they're silly, and he just smiles and shakes his head. But I can tell it makes him, and his mom, real proud. He's in a pretty good fight here for "numbers." But his station CRUSHES where it counts....money. The audience trusts them, and the advertisers trust them. Daddy says that's why he might keep his job if he sobers up. Or may get another job once they get tired of his loser crap here. Things like Toy Drive are the reason why. It's worth it, but you have to go all out.