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Do what Mix 96.1 in San Antonio did a few weeks ago

They had a LOT going on. A Taylor Swift show. Spring Break thing. One Republic. "Alice In Wonderland".

One of those "when it promotionally rains it pours" scenarios.

A literal last minute flyaway to Dallas to see BEP's dropped in their laps.

All day they promoted to listen to Russell Rush at 3:12 pm.

He just got on the air, announced the trip. It's very simple. Go to the station website and find the "pea" they hid somewhere on their website, call in and tell him where it is and they're going to the show.

Work productivity in San Antonio officially ground to a halt as everyone hunched in their cubicals staring at the computer, trying to see if that "thing" in Rihanna's hair is a pea. I

Secretaries Day (Or Administrative Something Or Other Day)

This is April 22th and provides us with possibly our best opportunity for some mid-week, for-the-Hell-of-it fun in the workplaces. Which makes it even more pathetic that most stations blow this off. You have all these nesters in the workplaces, listening to you, just waiting to be courted...and we ignore them. Genius. And In A PPM World(R), the nesters are GOLD.

"Rage Against The Machine"

"Office Space" came to life in Ottawa in '06 when listeners with bats beat the living crap out of a computer printer.

"The Human Post-It Note"

A great visual as Levi from the morning show at KRST in Albuquerque was covered in layers and layers and rows and rows of post-it notes. He visited offices and employees could peel off a slip and they won whatever was written under it.

"Bad Bosses/Day Off From Work"

Open up the phones and e-mail and let employees call/write in why their boss is the ultimate ogre to work for. Award these poor, suffering individuals with a day off from work and cover for them by picking up the tab for a temp. Winners could have a day on the town in a limo. Send them out to lunch and then for a makeover and hair session.

"Why My Boss Is A Butthead"

Pretty much the same concept. B-95 in Fresno did this and the morning show went around in a limo and picked up the winners for a mega-lunch at Tony Romas. Later in the afternoon the station hosted an After Work Party for all the secretaries in town at the Black Angus.

"Copying Machine Drop"

When my buddy Jennifer was in Tulsa, her station did this. And why not? Who hasn't, at one time or another, wanted to kick the %$#@& out of their copying machine. They always break down at just the wrong time. Plus, some of these take a rocket scientist to operate. Secretaries called and faxed in their worst horror stories about their experiences with the company copier. The lady who sent in the most horrific sob story was hoisted 150 feet in the air with the morning show and the copying machine that caused her all the grief. She personally cut the cord that sent it plummeting to its death. In addition to some personal prizes, her company got a $10,000 new copying machine, which the station traded. Everybody who submitted testimonials got roses. Huge. Typewriter tosses are good, but who uses typewriters anymore? And don't forget the "boom" factor.

"Drive Your Boss Crazy"

Lisa Fields, formerly of Kiss 102 in Charlotte, did this at Magic 96 in Birmingham. Secretaries faxed in what they would do to drive their bosses crazy, and would be willing to do "live" in front of thousands of people at lunch time at the River Chase Galleria. Selected entrants got to act out their fantasies on stage, with their bosses. The winner put her boss in baby diapers, poured molasses over him and beat him with an open-ended feather pillow. The winner and her boss each got $500, a weekend hotel package at the luxurious Winfrey Hotel, and she got a day off with a temp provided by the station, and a gift pack of Paul Sebastion fragrances. The judges included a local standup comic, a TV weatherman, and a newspaper reporter.

"For Secretaries Only"

KJMZ in Dallas was one of the stations that did For Sisters Only expos, and a few years back they did a For Secretaries Only party after work. In addition to prizes, free food and discount drinks, the party featured a type-off. On the house mike the jock dictated a memo and the first secretary to type it with the fewest errors won a personal computer. You could also do this on the 23rd with your announcer dictating a letter to the listeners. The first person to bang it out and fax it in would win.

"Beat The Boss"

Literally. Hire a dominatrix and send her around to a couple of offices and have her spank the bosses for being hard on their employees. Wild in OKC had the Night jock get beaten for doing an N'Sync prank. It's hard to go wrong when you have a 300 pound woman in leather, brandishing a whip. And you can quote me on that.

"Office Olympics"

Another name for what KJMZ did with their For Secretaries Only party. Since few people ever socialize with their co-workers after 5:30 pm, you'd be a hero for getting these people out together, bonding, having fun and participating in silly games. KUBE did this event in '93 and did contests like speed typing, faxing and shredding. The winner got a trip to Hawaii and an IBM laser printer.

"Typewriter Toss"

As I've already mentioned, this isn't the most original promotion in the world, but if no one else in town has done one recently (at least since Reagan was in office) then it should be fresh and enjoyable for the audience. Having tossed a few typewriters (along with the occasional cookie), be sure to banner the side of the building that you drop it off because the TV camera will follow them on the way down and you'll want them to see nothing but logos. Also, be sure to "mike" the spot where the typewriters impact. It'll sound great on the air.

"Toss The Boss"

If you have access to a bungie tower, then you're set for this exciting promotion. However you get the secretaries and the bosses they'll toss, doesn't matter. This is real photogenic and should get you some press. "Mike" the boss who takes the plunge. It should sound great. Get as many of his employees on the tower as possible and let them all lend a hand. Or aim high and see if you can get a boss who will let a secretary toss him out of a plane! The station I "did" in Salt Lake City got this done in 2003 and it was massive. The audio was Hall Of Fame quality. Her (the employer) screaming obscenities as she plummeted earthward, but then yelling "That was great! I want to do it again!" as soon as she landed.

"Morning Show Topics"

There will be many potential morning show topics for that week. It's always warm 'n fuzzy to have the bosses call in and talk about how great their secretaries are. At the other end of the spectrum are such topics as:

• cheapest boss
• best black mail that you've got on your boss
• dumbest memo
• dumbest thing your boss ever asked you to do

Or do a secretary/boss version of the Newlywed Game and have them guess the other person's answer to certain questions.

"Secretarial Pool Party"

Get businesses to let their secretaries out a little early on the 23rd for a Secretarial Pool Party. Take over the pool-side area at a local hotel and throw an Appreciation Party for these hardworking individuals. Do a swimwear fashion show. Hire a reggae band. Do a limbo contest. Invite the bosses to come down for the First Annual Bosses Bellyflop contest. If you're still thinking about doing a Typewriter Toss, why not throw them in the pool? Very photogenic. Do it like an Olympic diving competition and have judges there to rate the tosses and their entries into the water. KSFM in Sacramento did this several years in a row. Everyone was plowed by noon.

"Nuts At Noon"

That was the title of an event that Wild 94.9 did at Justin Herman Plaza over the lunch hour on Secretaries Day. Besides trotting out the Male Exposure Dance Troupe to entertain the crowd of female office workers who normally eat lunch on the grass or around the fountains, they also had roses for the women and the prize wheel was spinning to raise funds for a women's shelter. The name has since been co-opted and used frequently for the promotion below.

"A Limo Full Of Strippers"

Nikki, the mid-day person at Jamz in Vegas, had the gutwrenching duty of riding around all day with a limo full of male strippers. She went to workplaces, got secretaries and receptionists, piled them in the limo and rode around for a quick 10-15 minute show, returning them hot and sweaty to work. Julie Pilat at KUBE in Seattle had the arduous duty of doing this in '01. She took a limo full of male strippers around to offices, they'd run in, strip for a few minutes and move on. The women in the offices loved the break from work...and I think Julie had a pretty good time too. Angie at KDWB did this in 2000 and was equally pleased by the event. This is Mary K's annual in-lieu-of-a-raise promotion that the management lets her do at 95.7 Jamz in Birmingham.

"S.O.B."

Secretaries On Break. Once again, a hotel pool, race track, indoor adult entertainment center like a Dave and Busters; these would all be great places to have a bunch of your mid-day audience hanging and relaxing for a day.

"Nooners"

This old Valentines bit from Wild 94.1 in Tampa had limos picking couples up at their separate workplaces and delivering them to a seedy motel for an hour of passion before taking them back to work. What could possibly make some poor women's Secretary Day better then some unplanned nookie?