CPR Promotional Check-Up

Okay, Who WANTS TO GO FASTER??!!

Right up there with strip club DJ's, another genre of failed air talent are the guys who run the ride and hype the riders at the carnival. Usually with hard pumping heavy metal music, these aviator glasses-bespectacled broadcast school drop outs drive the vendors at all the neighboring booths ever-closer to suicide by-the-hour. My suggestion? Take one of these guys (they're ALWAYS guys) and give them a spot on the weekend. Give the jock who normally does that shift the gig of operating The Regurgitator for a few hours. And I still like "So You Wanna Be A Strip Club DJ" that has listeners auditioning for the dream gig of introducing women with names like Angina and Aeriola.

Queer Eye For The Carnie Guy

The name says it all. Get the guy who sells funnel cones into the studio for an extreme makeover hosted by a trio of flamboyantly gay men. "The Hardy Boys t-shirt? SO 1976. LOSE IT!!"

The First Thing You Do At A Fair Or Festival?

Take a stack of CD's around and bribe food booths and ride operators to play your radio station throughout the run of the event.

The Second Thing You Do At A Fair Or Festival?

Take a stack of t-shirts and some banners and bribe every booth or vendor in sight-line of where your competition is set up, to prominently display your logo. Your goal should be that the goobs down the dial have to sit out there for three days, battling heat and scary listeners, while being unable to look anywhere without having your logo in their face.